Taking Control
by tales-of-bohemia
Summary: So maybe they're using each other a bit. Stiles gets the sense that they both know it, so really there's no harm.


Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Wolf.

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Afterwards, he won't quite be able to explain why he'd done it.

Sure, Malia is beautiful. You'd have to be blind not to notice it. But Stiles has never considered himself a shallow person and therefore won't believe that that's what causes him to go with it. He's not even really sure how they start kissing in the first place, because one moment he's warming her hands, and the next she's staring at him like she's never seen him before. And in all honestly, that is totally fair, because they only actually met a day or so ago.

But still, when she presses in, quick and sweet, he's surprised. (Then again, he's always surprised.) And then Malia pulls away, and through his mildly shocked stupor, Stiles notices the awed look on her face. But he knows right away that it isn't him she's awed at, it's at the act, the idea of herself kissing someone.

"Was that your first kiss?" He already knows the answer. But still, "Was it okay?"

Maybe if she hadn't smiled the way she does when she nods in response, that would have been it. Maybe if she had just looked content instead of wanting, he wouldn't ask, "You wanna try it again?"

But she does, so he asks. And hey, what's the harm in a little making out? It feels _good_, kissing her. Stiles senses that they are both riding their own highs, but not really in relation to each other. Hers is about doing normal teenage things before going back to being a coyote. His is different. Sure, maybe he has never done much with a girl, with anyone for that matter, but his high is more about taking control, being in control of his own body for once in what feels like years.

So maybe they're using each other a bit. Stiles gets the sense that they both know it, so really there's no harm.

But then she pulls away. He's a bit confused, but maybe she feels like they are going too fast. Given her circumstances, that would be totally understandable.

Except, "I want to try something else."

A pause. "Something else?"

"Mhmm." Then Malia is pulling her shirt up and over her head. He glances down, unable to control his surprise. But looking back up at her, Stiles can't help the small frown of confusion that graces his face. He had been on board with the understanding they had silently come to. This was different. The logical part of his brain starts rambling a mile a minute. _You just met her the other day. Neither of you have any experience. She probably shouldn't be going this fast considering she just started to adjust back to normal life. _You _aren't even fully in control right now. This is the worst time to think about losing your virginity. _

(And quietly, so soft he can pretend he doesn't hear it, a voice in the back of his head says, _What about Lydia?_)

But then the more reckless part of him, the part that's been getting so much stronger, (the part that is defiant of the small voice) argues back. _This is what you've been waiting for, idiot – just do it. She wants it and you want it too. You've finally got some control back – use it. You're going to fucking die soon, either because of the monster inside you, or the disease. Take control._

He's still debating but she's looking at him, waiting, and when he still doesn't move, she nods at him, and the motion makes up his mind for him.

He kisses her again. It's just as nice as before, but it's heavier, with more meaning attached than he thinks he's ready for. (Stiles can't help but feel that this meaning is supposed to make it the experience more important, more satisfying. But right now, with Malia moving against him, he just feels weighed down.)

Stiles lays her back and leans over her but stops, a final pause. The high he had felt before is gone. He always figured getting it over with as soon as possible would be best, but now he's not so sure. He doesn't think he's supposed to feel this hesitant. But then Malia beams up at him, and though he can't bring himself to smile back, he leans in and kisses her.

Right before his eyes close, a flash of emerald green and strawberry blonde fills his vision. It's gone in less than a second. But it makes him sad. It makes him angry. It makes him feel like he's losing control. So he kisses Malia, drags his mouth over her neck, and squeezes his eyes shut a little tighter.


End file.
